Today is a screeching day. A pull my hair out of my head day. A bite my tongue and remember how damn irresistible she really is kind of day! Now that I’ve officially reached the weight that I was the day I gave birth (why did it take me 15 mths to gain a pooch is beyond me) I figured I’d make yet another attempt to get their. With many failed attempts, with many weeks off from some kind of sickness, with many days of saying forget it because she was in a mood and screeching at the top of her lungs (like today), with a few yoga days at home as a little attempt to stay active, we got our cloths on, water bottle filled, sneakers tied (her….lucky to get slippers on) we headed out. Yes 45 min later. Now on Tues & Thur the day care is packed because there is one class that I guess all the SAHM’s go to, and yes I’ve attempted this class before, couldn’t walk for 5 days and a result of feeling like crap because I realized how out of shape I really was. So of course we show up in the middle of this class and the daycare is swamped, like 5 little little babies and say 10 toddlers, to one poor woman. I didn’t like that, but since I made the attempt to get their, since I even said f-it when I realized I forgot my head phones at home and went in anyways, I figured I could sneak away without Maddie realizing it. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Now I’ve often over the last few months failed to go for more than a week with the feelings of, this is getting me no where and all I do is feel worse after, I thought going to the gym was supposed to make you feel better afterwards?? So after many talks with girlfriends and YES my mother, I decided to not over do it because that’s what was making me feel defeated. So I figured a little jogging on the treadmill (at the speed that most people can walk at) Just enough to raise my heartbeat off and on. I was ok with that, then I figured I’d hit some machines to work on my arms, another sorry area that has developed over my 33 years. So I say to myself, ok this isn’t so bad, but seriously why must they have mirrors all over the place? I know the “buff” people, the people who are actually in shape like to look at themselves while they work out, hey who wouldn’t, but don’t you think that most of the people who are at the gym are going to lose weight? OMG I never understood that. I hate looking at myself while I’m working out, so I try not to. So I walk towards the area where the arm machines and free weights are and I happen to glance towards the daycare section, ok I went this way on purpose, however I wasn’t expecting to see what I saw!! My poor baby girl with tears streaming down her cheeks, grasping 2 stuffed animals, with her sad little red face pressed up against the door!!! Well that was the end of my workout :( This quickly reminded me of why we don’t go to the gym. Though I have to admit when I went for a whole week back before the holidays she never cried once……..odd.
So yet another thing you are faced with as a mother, do you sacrifice your own happiness and health because you feel bad for the poor woman at the gym who has 5 screaming babies and 4 hanging off of her hip? I told the woman I’ve been trying to get to the gym since the day I gave birth LOL!! But it did feel good as I was on my way out she said to me “Don’t give up!” Mother of 3…..she must know.
As I was typing this I took a time out and went and played with my daughter. It was needed, just a little reminder as to why we give up some of the things we give up as mothers, I just want to raise this precious girl in the very best possible way that I can.
So another challenge as parents, how about daycare? Luckily I’ve gotten to stay home with my daughter, but not everyone can do that. However my husband and I are now at the point where we think sending her to daycare a few days a week would be beneficial for her (ok and me!) it’s been a struggle deciding this. One because as a mother it’s hard to admit that “I can’t do it all” meaning, do I want to go back to work to gain some of myself back or do I suck it up because that’s what you do when you become a parent? Well I’ve listened to many people tell me that I have to take care of myself to be able to care for my daughter. Soooo with that said, deciding to send her to daycare a few days a week is just admitting I’m human! It’ll give me 16 hours a week for ME….well it’s really not me, but it’s being able to take care of my family in a less stressful way. Going food shopping has always been a hassle given being on the second floor of a condo building, however even more so now that she wants to touch everything, get out of the basket, or just help me! So I see that as being one of the things I do while she is at daycare, THE GYM is a sure thing, hey I won’t have an excuse to not go and finally get in some shape!! Hmmm what else, oh appointments, instead of having to go at 4-5pm I can go on those days. Or even vacuuming or cleaning without her here is a HUGE plus! If I can squeeze in a lunch or a pedicure here or their, bonus, if not, that’s ok too. I’ve hemmed and hawed over this decision since she was 6 mths old, back then it was more because I just didn’t know if being a stay at home mom was for me, I battled it because I really wanted my daughter to learn her values, her integrity and discipline from me. Now she’s older and being around other children and other adults is just so important. I didn’t realize it. Take the gym routine this morning, this is a perfect example of how she needs to learn to trust other adults besides myself and my husband. I also battled what other people would think. Maybe the comments I’d hear. How dare I send her to daycare when I have the opportunity to be home with her, how selfish that would sound. Well that was a few weeks ago, now I don’t care what comments are said what people think because not everyone single thing works for every single family!!
What sacrifices do you ”feel” the most? What do you miss the most about the time that is now designated for your family? I don’t necessarily “miss” much, actually for me it’s the smaller things, peeing alone, showering in peace, cooking without tripping over something or someone!! LOL…..
I’ll leave you with one of my favorite quotes:
“There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one” ~Jill Churchill