Once a week MaMa Kat gives writing prompts for any blogger out their to write about. http://www.mamakatslosinit.com/. We post it on our site and then we go back to her site and link our writing sample to her site, it’s a great way to meet other bloggers and it’s also a a great way to practice your writing skills. I came across her blog day one of my blogging experience, but at that time I was green. I didn’t get the way it worked LOL…linky parties, what is that? Now that it’s been 6 months and I have some experience under my belt I chose this week to give it as shot just because one of the writing prompts stuck out at me since it’s nearing Mother’s Day.

1.) Happy almost Mother’s Day! Share a parenting moment where you really began to realize what this mothering thing is all about.

I’m not sure I will ever really begin to realize what this mothering thing is all about LOL….I think I realize new things everyday with my 18 mth old daughter as my guinea pig. However this one memory stands out to me above all others because I had no idea what it felt to be a mother until I saw my daughter in pain and couldn’t do anything about. It’s when my mother’s words rang through me………..

When I was 22 years old I lost my boyfriend in a motorcycle accident. I was devestated, I hurt in a way I had never hurt before. I was getting into the car with two of my friends to attend the funeral and I said good-by to my mother then got into the back seat of the car. As we drove away I turned around and saw her hug my grandmother (she didn’t know but my window was up and I heard what she said to my grandmother that day.) As she clung to her own mother she cried “My baby is hurting…..and for once I can’t do anything to make it all better.” It brought tears to my eyes, however I had no idea how that truly felt until 10 years later when I became a mother myself.

I was never good when my infant cried, when she was changed and dry, fed and burped, swaddled and snug in a bug but she continued to cry anyways I didn’t know what to do! I guess in my own little fantasy world I thought that when a baby was taken care of and happy then they would just stop crying, oh did my little niave brain get a dose the first few days of being home with a newborn! My husband was always good with her when she was going through crying fits, I just tensed up a lot and my husband didn’t.

Here we are 18 months later and last night while rocking my daugther in the middle of the night, we are pretty sure it’s her eye teeth coming in, that moment when I saw my mother cry to her own mother about not being able to take my pain away made me realize something.  I’m never going to be able to take the pain away from my 18 month old when she teeths, or my 3 year old when she falls and gets a scratch, or my 8 year old when she learns to ride a bike and gets scrapes, or my 12 year old when she doesn’t make the field hockey team, or my 16 year old when she gets her heart broken by her boyfriend, I’M NEVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO TAKE MY DAUGHTERS PAIN AWAY FROM HER.

In that moment I came to realize that I’ll never get the parenting thing…..I’ll have my moments when I’m on a roll and I’ll be rocking out motherhood like there is no tomorrow, but I’ll also have those moments of defeat when I want to throw my hands up in the air and give up! Learning to accept that…..is parenting.

Stay tuned I plan on joining MaMa Kat a little more often now that I have more time!

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