As mothers, as parents, as fathers, do we set our expectations too high? I’ve often thought about this, I always thought that if I set my goals lower in life they won’t be so hard to reach, they’ll be attainable, in my arms reach. Well if it were only that easy right!
My disappointment, my own anxiety stems from setting myself up for something and then that something not going as planned. Something so simple to others is such a obstacle for this momma. Like my husband for example who is NOT wired this way. He doesn’t understand why I can’t just “deal” when a blip in the road prevents me from doing what I had planned. I think it’s the biggest battle I’ve had since becoming a mother because every other momma out there knows that with a child…..things don’t always go as planned. Most of the time they just don’t. Some people would call this “Type A” ok well call it what you will, it is the person I’ve become so now I just work on strategies that I can deal with. Certain things I can do that allow me to still be me, but also deal with the changes that can occur at the drop of a dime.
I remember when my daughter was first-born, I thought keeping a clean house and having dinner on the table for my husband was my whole job. What do you mean I can’t get to making the bed, doing a load of laundry or emptying the dishwasher?? That is unheard of, well so I thought. I drove myself right into panic attacks on a daily basis until it was brought to my attention that as long as my daughter was cared for, loved and spoiled who cares if those things don’t get done. Well for me it was more of a battle than for most. However here I am 16 mths later and my bed probably gets made 4 times a week versus 7, my goal is always dinner every night because I knew that my daughter, husband and myself have to eat, so for a few weeks that all I concentrated on, getting dinner on the table. As I learnt to get things done while she napped, when she wasn’t eating or crying, I picked up more chores. Well now she goes to daycare twice a week, so my husband always says “What are you going to do tomorrow, make sure you do something for yourself.” (Yes he’s the best) so I set myself small goals, a few household chores that are easier to do without here. I get to go to the gym (when I’m not sick!) and I get a few hours to either, read, write or just watch TV. This weeks major goal was to dust my house. The whole house, the bedroom seems to get the shaft every week because we spend less time in their, and well we can block it off to guests! So this week I did it, I dusted the whole house, their was one thing in my dining room I didn’t get to, oh well, I was able to do my whole bedroom, living room and hallway, that’s all I cared about. Next week, I want to wash my refrigerator. The inside, top to bottom, this is surly a task to do without MM!! seeing as for some reason the fridge is her favorite spot to play in!!
I think if we set smaller goals we’ll feel better when we get those goals done, and sometimes you get more done and it’s just a bonus.
Ok we all know this is always a challenge, I need to give it the 21 days for it to actually become a habit for me!! I haven’t even gotten past the 2 week mark because something always comes up. Since I have two guaranteed days that I know I can get to the gym the goal I will set myself is 2 days a week (hey it’s something) I’d like it to be 3 or 4 but I can work my way up to that, maybe take a walk with Maddie another day, in the end it counts. That way I won’t be disappointed when I plan on 3 or 4 but only get their on the 2 days I know I can…….Let’s hope this one works!
This one is quite difficult for any couple who have children. My husband and I try to have one date night a month whether it’s getting out alone for dinner or maybe a double date with friends, or a party. Something that gets us out of the house at least once a month without the babe. We’ve stuck to this pretty well because we know how important it is to maintain “us”. We also try to do a Date Night at home once a month too. I cook a nice dinner after the babe goes to bed and we watch a movie or do something just the two of us. Sometimes we have to ask for it, for example last night I asked if we could do something just him and I tonight after the babe goes to bed because between the Bruin’s playing, and us being sick this past week I’m in need of some cuddle time!!
So I’m sticking to these goals folks, hoping that by setting smaller goals for me and my family it will help me stay sane and focused on what’s really important. What are your goals? What are your expectations for yourself?