My mother is the most beautiful, strong, supportive, woman I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. I depended on her as a baby, I clung to her as a child, I hated her as a teenager, I supported her through my father’s death, I respected her as a mother, I loved her as a best friend. Yes my mother is my friend. Here she is marrying my dad.

Here is my mom and I on my wedding day. It was by far one of the best days of my life.

And here she is giving me away to my husband. It was such a bittersweet moment for both of us. This is a job for a father, this is supposed to be the proudest moment for any father and mine couldn’t be their to feel that, to see that. Instead I got to feel the “proud” moment from my father on behalf of my mother which was like receiving ten times the emotion! How does it feel as a mother to “give away” her baby girl. The baby that she raised and loved, the baby she helped create, raise and love? I some day will hopefully never have to actually give my baby girl away, I will hopefully watch my husband give his baby girl away.

I honestly NEVER really “knew” what being a mother was all about until 18 months ago. I’ve always loved my mother, and I thought I respected her, but I found out the day I delivered my daugther that I didn’t respect nearly as much as I should have. I guess you really don’t until your there. Here she is holding MM, she was their every step of the way and I couldn’t have done it without her. What a proud Nana huh!!

Motherhood, it’s such a hard word to describe really. How would you put it into words? It’s wonderful, beautiful and exhausting. Sometimes I’m just speechless when I think about it. How can I say that in one day I can honestly love being a mother but 15 minutes later hate it? Is it part of the postpartum depression that I’ve suffered from? Maybe….the more mothers I talk to the more I realize that some of the feelings I feel are completely normal. Day’s like yesterday where I can just let go are the best……when their are no rules, no diciplining, no rights or wrongs. We went about our day stress free because of being able to let go. If I were to do that all the time what kind of child will my daughter grow to be? Will she not learn manners? Will she not learn how to respect her elders? These are all things I learnt from my mother, I had rules, I had decipline. Will my daughter be a bad student, will she get in with the wrong crowds, will she date the wrong boys? All questions I know every mother asks herself at one point in time, but I worry about it everyday, every second and it seems to make me “uptight” as I’d like to call it. This weekend I’m letting go, I’m spoiling my daughter rotten, I’m having a stress free weekend in honor of Mother’s Day 🙂

Here is my baby last Mother’s Day.