It was a busy kind of day over here. I’ve become incrediably irritable with my Madison lately. I feel so defeated as a mother. She’s still not talking, I worry. She’s still not playing with toys, I worry. She’s still not having any interest in books, I worry. I worry that something is wrong. I know that children develop at different times but I feel like I’m a slacker or something. I’m a stay at home mom and my child doesn’t know how to talk, open a book, has no interest in learning or developing, she just wants to do her own thing and wants no part of what I have to say so I gave up a long time ago and now I feel bad. I had no idea the constant feeling of “Am I doing it right?” I would feel at each and every stage of my daughters life. As a newborn I worried if I was bathing her right, changing her enough, feeding her enough, swaddling her correctly. Now as the next stage approaches it’s a whole new world of worry. It. Exhausts. Me.
Here is how I starated my day today. (Pardon the pic, it was taken with my phone….but you get the gist.)
It was a daycare day and I couldn’t get out the door fast enough to be relieved of the constant burden, yes I just said my child is a burden, ok ok I know she’s really not it just feels like she is some of the time. Come on admit it, we all feel that way as mother’s some of the time. Maddie was always so bad at using utencils, (I know my fault should have listened to my mother and got on that a lot sooner than I did) daycare has helped alot but she still turns the spoon or fork right before putting it in her mouth and all the food falls out :( Do you know how hard eggs are to clean up?? They are wet and mushy so you can’t vaccuum them or sweep them, so as irritated as I am leaving my house looking like that I left to drop her off and food shop and Father’s Day shop. I came home and then proceeded to spend 30 minutes scraping the eggs off of the floor with my finger nail. YES… Note To Self: Do not let eggs sit on your hardwood floor. Trust. Me.
Then I have moments like last night, when I broke down to my husband that I hadn’t cried in ages and just needed a good cry. Stupid hormones. I asked him to please be patient with me, celebrating my Dad’s anniversary of being gone 11 years didn’t help over the weekend. :( Thank god he is the most patient man I have ever met. So before I went to bed I peaked in on my daughter and was able to fall asleep feeling so very thankful for what I do have……why are they always so precious when they are sound asleep :)
Ok so since I’m high and low I’m also going from one topic to another….. So I made this awesome Tuna Sandwich today. I’m calling it A Healthier Tuna Salad. Stuff it in a tomato (which I will be trying soon), have it on top of a salad or toast a sandwich. It was so good and full of flavor…what’s the trick? No mayo!!! Check it out to see the secret ingrients. I’m into trying my own flavors. I’m feeling risky but actually adding things, tasting it, and adding more to make it to what I want it to be. To me that’s a huge step in the cooking world, not having to measure an ingredient or actually using my own ideas is so fun! Looks good doesn’t it!!
Then today I had it on top of a salad!! Perfect lunch!!
Then another thing I realized is I’ve been cooking so much and learning so much that I think I forgot to cook easily. Meaning I forgot what it was like to cook something easy and simple. I made a Pork Tenderloin using McCorrmicks’s seasoning. You season it and toss it into a bag and cook. LOL my daughter was pulling a tantrum because it was 5:30 and she was hungry. Like. Now. So I was all distracted! I threw in sweet potatoes and carrots but they didn’t cook in time, I took the meat out, it was still undercooked, oh it was a disaster……. LOL!!
So this is how Maddie came home from daycare today! How cute is that? I told her teacher, I wish she sat still long enough for me to do that! It’s so cute!
So I’ve been working on a few projects, one is for Father’s Day (to be continued…) and the other is a naughty bench for Miss Maddie now that she’s getting older I want to be more serious about timeouts, especially while she is still hitting and throwing nutties! So I went to Hobby Lobby yesterday and ended up with this stuff.
It was simple, I stenciled it with paint, and put a clean coat to seal it all together. I’m still debating a shiny coat to dress it up. Too cute huh………unfortunatly right now she likes it, plays with it, she doesn’t know it’s for “bad” time LOL!!
Ok so how am I going to feel when MM learns her alphabet? Or when she starts adding numbers together, or when she learns to play a sport, or when she graduates Jr. High School, or when she goes to the prom, how am I going to feel when she graduates college when I almost cried, jumped up and down with excitement, and threw her a party all over a sock!!
Yes she put her own sock on……..all the way by herself! Perfectly…….and I was proud. HA!!!